


and i didn't like the ending

by happythehardway93



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Ben's POV, F/M, I'm apologizing in advance, No Pregnancy, dealing with a breakup, folklore has me feeling things, folklore inspired, lots of emotions, this hurt to write so i'm sorry, we don't like snoke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:35:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25495468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happythehardway93/pseuds/happythehardway93
Summary: Sometimes you want something to be right that you miss all the signs. Ben Solo thought he was making the right call. This job would give him everything, would help him to be everything he ever imagined. But everything he thought to be true was wrong. All the warning signs were there, he was just too stubborn to care. That fateful night six months ago, he pushed away the best thing that had ever happened to him. Now, he's struggling to pick up the pieces.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 8
Kudos: 59





	and i didn't like the ending

**Author's Note:**

> This is has not been beta read so all mistakes are mine. Enjoy!

_“Life isn’t a fucking movie, Ben! Everything isn’t just going to work out because you want it to,” she argued, continuing to stuff her clothes into a bag. “I told you how I felt about this, and yet you went ahead and made the decision on your own. Of course there are consequences! What the hell do you expect?”_

The pitter patter of the rain against the window was the only noise echoing throughout the apartment now. No soft snoring from the woman next to him, no random grumblings during a particularly bad dream. That was all gone. And he had no one to blame but himself.

The insomnia had started soon after he had pushed her out. After he told her about Snoke, about the job offer he couldn’t refuse. The disappointment on her face was clear. But what did she know? Sure, there had been allegations against him, but that was unproven. He wasn’t a bad person. The company wasn’t corrupt. He truly believed all of that when he had taken the job, believed in the bright future he could create for them. 

She was the last person he wanted to disappoint. His parents had disapproved of the deal right away. His mother had been pushing him to take over her position, something he vehemently refused to do. He needed to earn something for himself, not just take something because his mother believed in him. No, Ben needed to work for it and know that he had gotten it because of his own work.

He had taken the job with the best of intentions. But of course, everything his mother, his father, and Rey had warned him about had come true. Rey always trusted her gut in situations like this. He wished he could have gone back and listened to her then. 

_“I thought you’d actually listen to me for once! Not everything is about you!” he screamed, anger rolling off him in waves. “This is a huge career move for me, yet you’re acting like this is the end of the world! Get a grip Rey, you’re acting like a brat.”_

Snoke was behind bars, finally being caught in his schemes. First Order Enterprises was no more. And Ben, once again, was lost. There was no one to blame but himself, though. He made the mess he was in. He had to deal with the consequences of his own stupid decisions. 

Rolling over, he grabbed onto her pillow. Well, what was her pillow before she walked away. The scent of her was long gone, much to his dismay, but that didn’t stop him from burying his nose into it, curling his arms around it as if she was really there. In his arms, forever. But he fucked that one up good. 

_“Ben, you can’t honestly be taking this job with a criminal!”_

_“Well I am, so you need to accept it and move on.”_

_She stared back, mouth hanging open in shock. “Who are you and what have you done with the Ben I fell in love with?”_

Groaning, he turned over and grabbed his phone. 4:05am. There was no point in trying to sleep now. He knew his body well enough.

Rolling out of bed, he pulled on a pair of dark wash jeans and an old hoodie. Grabbing his keys and phone, he headed out of his apartment in search of a 24-hour diner. Coffee would be essential if he had any hope in trying to drown out his mind.

The streets were empty at this hour. He walked quickly, zig zagging along the sidewalk to avoid the puddles. The sound of rain used to be soothing, bringing a sense of calmness to the world. That was until he started associating it with her and their fight and their demise.

_“I’m still me, Rey!, I'm just trying to make a name for myself, away from my family. You know how much I hate their shadow. Besides, who are you trying to tell me I’ve changed? What happened to you wanting to be a writer instead of a filthy junk trader under Plutt? You fucking hate working for him and yet you won’t leave. If I take this, you can! You can pursue your writing and leave that stupid man behind for good. Rey, please. I’m doing this for you! For us!”_

_He held out his hand, desperate for her to accept. Desperate for her to understand._

_“Don’t do this, Ben. Please, don’t go this way.”_

He jumped at the sound of a horn, car zooming past just in front of him. It was easy to get lost in his head, lost in the memories of his undoing. Some days were worse than others, today being a particular bad time. Everywhere he went, something would remind him of her; remind him of her smile, her eyes, her positive take on life. 

He took a deep breath, trying to calm his spiraling thoughts of what could have been, bringing him back to the present and what the mess he made. He looked around before crossing, eyeing a diner kitty corner to his current place. While the lighting was dim, he could see a few people inside, all with differing reasons for being awake at this time.

He started imagining their stories, their reasons for being in a diner at 4:30 in the morning. Maybe the middle-aged man in the front booth was just getting off his late-night shift, too afraid of waking his family by coming in at this time. The young women at the counter, both in short dresses and strappy heels must be catching up on their experiences of their night out.

All of these were experiences Ben knew well. Of sneaking in after a late night in the office, back in the days when he was secretly working towards a position with Snoke, trying to tiptoe quietly so not to disturb Rey. Of the times Rey would manage to drag him out for a fun night of drinking and dancing, only to end up at a diner, sharing a cheeseburger and fries because Rey swore they were better when you were drunk. 

_“If you can’t support this, I don’t want you in my life.”_

_“Ben.”_

_“No! First my family, and now you. I’m a grown man, I know what I'm doing. I need you to trust me. Rey, can’t you see? I’m trying to build us a better life!”_

He tried to shake his thoughts, his reminder of his failure. If he could take back the past six months, including all of his missteps leading up to that fateful night, he would in a heartbeat. But as the saying goes, hindsight is 20/20. All he can do is learn from his mistakes and move forward, whatever that means. He hadn’t quite figured that part out yet. 

He slid into the diner, bell jingling above, shrugging off his jacket before making his way to an empty booth in the back of the diner, keeping his back towards the door. The dim lighting of the diner was calming, the soft sounds of 80s music and clinking dishes swarming his inner thoughts. 

The couple behind him were arguing in hushed voices, trying not to bring attention close to themselves. The tension was clear, despite not being able to see the two. Angry accusations being thrown around, lackadaisical excuses tossed around in an effort to calm the situation. He had all too much experience in that area.

_“What happened? Where is the Ben I feel in love with? Because he sure as hell wouldn’t be doing this.”_

_“I’m still me, Rey. But that man was a nobody. I’m trying to grow beyond that. Beyond what people think I’m capable of.”_

_“You’ve never been a nobody. Not to me.”_

_“You would know, huh? You come from nothing, you’re nothing.”_

_“Ben.”_

_“If you can’t accept who I am now, my choice in career, then there isn’t an us, Rey.”_

The pain still lingered, the hurt he felt when he realized no one supported him anymore, no one that he cared about that is. But maybe that was just it? No one supported the man he was becoming, but they still supported the man they knew him to be. Too bad that took too long to realize. Too bad he had gone and messed up any hopes of a happy ending in the process.

“Can I get you any- Ben?” 

Two things crossed Rose’s face in that moment. First, confusion. He could see the gears trying to piece together why he was there. The second was anger, which was understandable. He walked away from a lot more than just his family and girlfriend after all.

“Hi Rose.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Couldn’t sleep. I didn’t realize you worked here.”

“Ben, I’ve worked at the same diner for three years. What do you mean you didn’t realize?”

He sat back for a moment, glancing around to truly absorb his surroundings. The booth he was sitting in? He had spent many nights here sitting across from Rey, her stealing the fries off his plate because they were better that way. The stools to the far right of the counter? The place where they’d shared their first kiss, both a bit too tipsy but memorable nonetheless. The jukebox in the corner where Rey would spend hours trying to select the best song, only to fall back on her go-to “Friends in Low Places”, singing horrendously off key when trying to go for the low notes. He would end up here without fully realizing it.

“Ben, what’s going on?” concern laced through her voice as she sat across from him. 

_“Ben, I love you. Please know that,” she whispered softly, as she zipped up her bag, defeat evident in her demeanour._

_“Rey, wait, no, I didn’t mean that.”_

_“You did, and that’s okay. I get it.”_

_“No, you don’t. Rey, no, please don’t do this. Let me explain.”_

_“Bye, Ben,” she said as she turned, walking out of the apartment and his life._

“I fucked up, Rosie,” he choked out, tears streaming freely down his face. How the hell had he gotten here? If he could go back and take everything back, he would. He would have thrown Snoke’s offer back in his face, taken over his mother’s job like she wanted, kept Rey safe and protected in his arms.

Rose stayed silent across from him, allowing him time to get a grip on his emotions. He chose to ignore his feelings, never letting anyone see him cry. Few people knew his true feelings, preferring to keep his cards held close. Rose had broken through him before, back in their misguided teenage years. Rey had been the last one he had let in, albeit not intentionally. She just knew him, like she had been a part of him from the start. No rhyme or reason, she just was, and he knew he would never have someone know him again the way she did. Not after the way he pushed her away.

“Ben.”

“I don’t know what to do anymore. I fucked everything up.”

He kept his head down, shame washing over him. Mistakes were inevitable. You had to fall before you could run. But this felt like falling from a cliff, diving head first into the canyon below. Nothing good could come from such a lethal mistake. 

A small slip of paper entered his vision. He looked up, Rose’s expression careful but understanding.

“What’s this?”

“What do you think it is?”

He looked closer, Rose’s loopy handwriting bringing back memories of a better time. He focused on what it said, an address of some kind to a place a few blocks from here.

“Is this-” he swallowed, breath caught in his throat. “Is this where she’s living now?”

“It is. Don’t make me regret this, Solo.”

He jumped out of the booth, throwing back a quick thank you before bolting out the door. He ran down the sidewalk, rain pouring down harder than before. More cars were on the street than before, getting a head start on their days. Businesses were beginning to open, the smell of baked goods wafting through the air.

He made quick time across the city. The street was quiet, a few lights on in the windows. Her house was dark, but the porch light was on. He walked up to the front door, fist up ready to knock before he paused. Would she even answer the door at this time? Would she even care to hear what he had to say? 

He dropped his hand, taking a tentative step back, eyes drilling a hole into the door. His nerves were shattered, the voices in his head fighting one another for dominance. The slim possibility of something going right was being beaten with everything that could go wrong, everything that had gone wrong whenever he opened his mouth before. It was exhausting, trying to keep up, so he let his demons take over, just as they had before.

“She’s not home.” 

He turned quickly, eyeing up the lady behind him. Standing on the curb, eyes kind, she smiled up at him. “If you’re looking for Rey, she’s not home. Hasn’t been all night.”

His heart sank with the implication of that statement. The past six months had flown by for him, each day blending into the next. He could remember her leaving like it was yesterday. But that was the thing about time; it was different for everyone. These past six months could have dragged on for her. He shouldn’t be too surprised, really. Six months is more than enough time to heal and move on. She deserves to be happy, even if that's without him.

“She’s been working so many graveyard shifts, that poor thing. She should be home within the hour though, if you can wait it out.”

His heart surged with the hint of possibility. The lady was walking away before Ben could muster enough thought to answer back, his brain struggling to understand the meaning of her words. Maybe there wasn’t someone else, but would it be the end all be all if there was? Would she care to hear how she was right? How he’d gone off and ruined his life? He wasn’t her problem anymore, she had no reason to hear him out.

He paced the porch for a while before settling down on the bottom step. Rain continued to fall, but he didn’t care. He didn't know how long he sat focusing in on the soft pitter patter on the roof, the sound of vehicles running through puddles, the soft footsteps of someone approaching.

He looked up to her shocked face, eyes concerned for the grown man sitting soaked on her front step. He shivered slightly under her scrutiny. “Hi, Rey.”

Her eyes narrowed, like she was trying to determine if he was a ghost. His breathing increased, his nerves shot with the fact that she was here, she was real, and she was right in front of him, and now he didn't know what to do. He hadn't really made a plan, just knew he needed to see her.

“Why are you here?” she asked, fists tighten at her side. She looked like she was ready for a fight, ready to protect herself at all costs. She looked like a girl who had been burned before, and it was all his fault.

It broke his heart. The fact that he could still inflict pain on her. Like pushing her away wasn’t enough. He tried to speak, mouth opening and closing, words never escaping his lips. He couldn't hold it in any longer as a single stray tear fell down his face. “Rey.” 

She approached quickly, hands wrapping around his neck as his arms wrapped around her in a tight embrace. Her fingers looped through his hair as he buried his face into her stomach, inhaling her scent and memorizing it for a later day. He couldn’t tell if the wet patch he was creating was from the rain or his tears. Probably a little of both at this point as his emotions got the best of him. 

“I’m sorry, Rey, I’m so sorry,” he cried, voice muffled as arms tightened their hold, trying to bring himself closer to her, bringing back the warmth he always felt when she was close.

“I know, Ben. I know.”

“I know I can’t take everything back, Rey, I know that.”

“Ben.”

He pulled back, looking up to see her tear stained cheeks. She was hurting just as much as he was, and it was all his fault. “Rey.”

She pulled her arms away from him, rubbing at her cheeks. She sighed softly as he removed his arms from her and stoof up to his full height. He brushed a stray hair behind her ear, eyes locked with hers. “Rey, please.”

She stared up at him, mouth slightly open, breath hitched in her throat. His heart rate increased with every passing moment, not knowing his fate. He needed to know, what could have been, what could be, if there even was a possibility. Maybe he just needed to be reminded how badly he’d messed up. But he needed her, more than anything, to help him to pick up the pieces.

She pulled away, starting up the front steps. She turned back when she reached the top, sadness filling out her features. “Come inside. I think we need to talk.” 

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> If you've made it this far, thank you for reading! I appreciate it more than you know. This is my first published fanfic so if I could give you a hug for reading, I would. 
> 
> Find me on twitter at [happythehardway](https://twitter.com/happythehardway) if you like. :)


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